A Funny Page to Say, Thank You!

I wanted to do something special for you today, so I am giving you a funny page. This page is themed around (surprise!) baseball. I happen to love the game myself and have backed the Cubs since the 1980s. Enjoy! And thanks again for your patience while I regrouped. I feel much better!f Shirley First [...]

We are Vapors

Nearly all my life I have had the feeling that life is forcing me along. I sometimes get the distinct feeling of a rope that is attached to me and that life is pulling me along against my will. I think it began when I was a child and the forced motion has increased as [...]

Research Backs Up the Truth: Parents Who Are Invalidating Harm Kids

I was reading my email this morning and came across an article that proved what I've said here about being invalidated in childhood.  In the article on Psychology Today    I found a piece backing up what we who were the victims of this kind of treatment have always known, it damaged us. Granted, the article [...]

When Fantasy is Your Only Friend

***Possibly Triggering Material*** Growing up in an abusive home, children often find they have nowhere to go and no place to turn. So, they turn to their imaginations to help them cope. I’m writing this post out of my own experiences with the pretend world I lived in as a kid. I’ll try not to [...]

Speaking Without Saying a Word

I know everyone who reads my work can understand what I’m talking about when I say that we often tell others how we are truly feeling without saying it. We hide behind phrases like, “I’m okay”, “I’m fine” or “I’m just not feeling good, but I’ll be okay.” Why do you think this is so? [...]

Replacing the Old Tapes with New

Every adult human has them. Those voices in the back of your consciousness silently telling you of your worth. The tapes are recorded by your parents, teachers, and friends and never be erased. If you are lucky, they tell you that you are lovely, intelligent and worthy of love. However, if you grew up in [...]

Still I Rise

Many who visit this site know the terror and humiliation that we who have been horribly traumatized as children feel then and now. When we were kids we had no power and were prisoners from birth. We did not know the peace that should be home, instead we tried desperately to be too small for [...]

The Sad Truth of Passive Suicidal Ideation and Behaviors

There is a type of suicide that people don’t talk about in the media or in support groups. It is often missed by clinicians and even close relatives aren’t aware of what is going on. It is called passive suicide, which is preceded by passive suicidal ideation. The Definition of Passive Suicidal Ideation Passive suicidal [...]

Recovery Is…

There are as many definitions to the word "recovery" as there are people who are attempting to reach it. We who were brutally traumatized in childhood aren't really in "recovery" as we didn't start in life whole, rather we are attempting to make our lives better while living with the effects of having been harmed [...]

Don’t Throw the Addict Out With the Bath Water

As a Person who has survived horrible addictions to many prescription drugs, I understand what it is like to be a slave to substances.  Too often people, like myself, are caught up in the life-altering disease of addiction are demonized and given the title of  bad people. Let me be absolutely clear. We are not [...]

Accept Me for Who I Am

I decided to write the poem below that is meant to be affirming. People like myself who live with dissociative identity disorder often live under the delusion that we are unlovable and should remain alone. Many of us also get ourselves into bad relationships and stay there terrified that no one else will love us. [...]

Attachment to the Perpetrator

In my research that I have been doing for my book on attachment disorders, I was reminded of a subject I believe I have yet to tackle here on this site. Attachment to the perpetrator sounds like a disorder on its own, but it is the natural consequence of children who are being reared by [...]

Dry Wells

Being open to other people about the severe abuse I suffered as a child has been very challenging.  At first, I wore a sign on my forehead that said, “incest” and when I shook hands with someone I would announce, “Hi, my name is Shirley and I’m a survivor of severe childhood trauma.” I am [...]

If My Life Was a Movie

  I’ve been talking to people about my life story for many years now. Recently I have begun trying to find someone who would be interested in writing a book and then a screenplay about my experiences. I think the true story of a person who lives with dissociative identity disorder would make one hell [...]

If You Live in the United States and Need Help, Please Call

The tragedy of domestic violence takes place every day in many households in the United States and around the world. It isn't just the poor or the rich who suffer, it is also men and women, gay and straight, college professors and dropouts who find themselves helpless. No one is immune from finding themselves in [...]