Recovery Is…

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There are as many definitions to the word “recovery” as there are people who are attempting to reach it. We who were brutally traumatized in childhood aren’t really in “recovery” as we didn’t start in life whole, rather we are attempting to make our lives better while living with the effects of having been harmed by those who should have been providing for and protecting us.

Since I am diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder, my definition of recovery has  been to achieve as much coawareness and coconsciousness as possible so that I can continue into life with the chaos that not having those two things bring burning at a low level. Notice, I did not say the chaos would COMPLETELY go away, I said it would burn at a low level, hopefully a controllable one. Since extreme stress can bring on switching, I cannot say that I will never, ever lose a large amount of time or act erratically ever again.

However, I CAN have a good life at peace with myself, which means being at peace with the alters in my system.

While reading the list what “recovery” means, I would like you to ask yourself the question…

“What does recovery mean to me?”

Leave your answers in the comment section below. Thanks Shirley

what is recovery

13 thoughts on “Recovery Is…

  1. I wonder about myself. I have horrible abuse in my past. I am dealing with it and do not feel like myself on a daily basis. I often say I miss myself. I never know what I will wake up and be like. My issue is, how do I know. How do I find and communicate with parts? I just know they are there. Will this happen with more time? The ability to distinguish between the fragments?

    1. Are you in therapy? It takes a long time and a lot of patience to get to know alters. They will be afraid at first and some will be resentful. However if you perservere and love them with lots of respect then healing can and will take place. Remember the alters aren’t strangers living in your head they are all you and you are them. Its a long road but in time peace will come. Not perfect peace but that’s not true of anyone’s mind. Keep in touch. I’ll help in any way I can. Find a trauma therapist and work with them. That’s the first step. Good luck on your journey. Shirley

      1. I am in therapy but I’m not convinced my therapist has enough experience in this. However, I trust him more than anyone else and he has been told the most I have ever shared with anyone about my abuse and the thought of switching to someone new and “more experienced” feels incredibly overwhelming and horrible. I know he is willing to learn and seek counsel from others who work with more severe trauma so I appreciate that and kind of look at our relationship as a dual learning relationship. He teaches me, I inform and teach him. We research a lot together. He’s not totally incompetent, I think just a little unseasoned in the depth of care it is beginning to become clear I need. I just have this sense this needs to be explored for me and I’m not sure how to go about it. I haven’t brought it up to my therapist yet and disclosed what I’ve been experiencing so there may be a good chance he’s seeing it already and just hasn’t brought it to my attention yet in a diagnostic way. I do remember he commenting more than once how my demeanor changes when we move from topic to topic and how distinct they become. He knows instantly if something he has asked about or brought up is related to my trauma or abuse. He stops there and we process it if possible. Thank you for your feedback. I really appreciate what you have shared with me.

        1. He sounds like a keeper. Its hard for therapists to admit they don’t understand something so it’s wonderful that he is open to learning. The therapist who helped me the most has no training in DID or trauma but she too was willing to learn. We traveled a long time together until she retired in 2016. Be as open and honest about your feelings and thoughts as you can. That will help him help you and speed up the process. Tell him or ask him if he believes you have the diagnosis of DID. He sounds like he will answer you truthfully. I’m glad to help. Shirley

  2. i get your blog.i am disabled .have m.e.long list health issues .as a child i was abused sexually
    nobody can recover from this..,people never see the every day effects ,my story of abuse is
    in a AUTHORS BOOK.i do a blog
    http;//mark-kent.webs.com

    1. You can recover enough to live a happy life. It takes a lot of time, dedication and a good therapist, but it can be done.

  3. like you I want to lessen the chaos. I was to gain internal cooperation and communication. I want to have a good life and not just function in order to get through each day. xxx

    1. I have more peace now than I ever have, but after 30+ years of therapy I damn well better! LOL I know, the chaos of having so many opinions on the same subject, losing time, and doing things you don’t remember is nuts. It does get better. I didn’t say it goes totally away, but it does get better. Shirle

        1. Seventeen years in therapy. I understand that one. I was 28 when I was diagnosed and will be 58 in September. However, I wouldn’t trade my journey for anything now that I’m emerging from the other side. I know more about myself than most people ever will and I actually love me. How many people can say that. I don’t mean in a conceited way, of course, I mean that I respect and care deeply for me. That came from loving and accepting my alters. After all, they ARE me. I’m glad you are finding what I have, that things do get better. Shirley

          1. Wow, now that’s cool! There are very few Shirley’s around it would seem although there are actually five Shirley J. Davis’ in my area (according to the very large doctor clinic I go to anyway). Well, hello Shirley LOL

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