Happy New 2018 Fun Page

Here’s some fun stuff for you!!!

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Well, 2017 is over, thank God for that, right? It has been a wild ride for the entire United States, and I must say for the world. There have been tons of changes, and many revelations.

My year has been fantastic. Not only was I able to return to college and continue my journey toward my PhD, I also experienced great success with this blog and my writing. Dissociative Identity in a Nutshell has become an international success, and I owe all of the credit to you. Thank you.

My wish for you and myself in 2018, is for us all to experience life to the full, and to learn to love ourselves and each other more. I truly believe that love can and does conquer all adversities.

So, I’m offering you this fun-filled page to help you laugh in the new year. Shirley

OH MAN! THE SAD PART IS I UNDERSTOOD THIS!

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A Diet to Start Your New Year

This is a specially formulated diet designed to help WOMEN cope with the stress that builds during the day. I have found that this really works!!

BREAKFAST
* 1 Grapefruit
* 1 slice whole-wheat toast
* 1 cup skim milk

LUNCH
* 1 small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
* 1 cup herbal tea
* 1 Oreo Cookie

AFTERNOON SNACK
* The rest of the Oreos from the packet
* 1 tub of ice cream with chocolate topping

 DINNER
* 4 bottles of wine (red or white)
* 2 loaves garlic bread
* 1 family size Supreme pizza
* 3 snickers bars

LATE NIGHT SNACK
* 1 whole cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)

 

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2017 BE LIKE…

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  YOU CAN CALL ME SHIRLEY IF YOU WANT. JUST SAYING

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A New Year’s Wish

On New Year’s Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local bar and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

Well, it was kind of embarrassing.  As the clock struck – the bartender was almost crushed to death.

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YUMMMMM!!!

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An Old Couples New Year’s Morning

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.

They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

His wife asks, “Where are you going?”

“To the kitchen,” he replies.

“Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?”

“Sure.”

“Don’t you think you should write it down, so you can remember it?” she asks.

“No, I can remember it.”

“Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. You’d better write it down, because you know you’ll forget it.”

He says, “I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.”

“I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, so you’d better write it down!” she retorts.

Irritated, he says, “I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream — I got it, for goodness sake!” Then he grumbles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says… “Where’s my toast?

dog

New Year’s Resolutions Made By Dogs

I will not lick my human’s face after eating poop

I will no longer be a prisoner to the sound of the can opener

I will take more time to smell other dog’s butts

I will finally bite that freak who gives me that shot every year

I will break into the pantry and decide for myself how much food is too much

January 1st-Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!

January 2nd– Relive the victory of the sock

I will try to remember, the garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff

I will not bark at the TV

I will not steal underwear belonging to my mistress and dance all over the back yard with it

 

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Fantastic 12-Step New Year Prayer for Me When I Get Old

God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked,
The good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference

 

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Oh God! More “Funny” Jokes Ahead!

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I’ll remember 2017 like it was yesterday

Dear Luck, can we be friends in 2018 Please?

I raised my left leg before the ball dropped so I could start the New Year off on the right foot.

Dear God, my prayer for 2018 is a FAT bank account and a THIN body. Please don’t mix it up like you did this year.

RUN AWAY!!! RUN AWAY!!!

tt

A LIST OF NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS I WILL BE ABLE TO KEEP A-Z!

Act like a child when I don’t get my way

Become a zombie (well, at least on Sunday mornings)

Cross dress

Diet more (hah! Right!)

Eat more chocolate

Fart loudly

Grin at stupid jokes like these

Hate spinach, hate spinach, hate spinach

Isn’t this stupid?

Jog a mile (in my dreams!)

Keep all eleven commandments (oh wait)

Leave work early (sheesh, that’s a no brainer)

Make fun of myself in the mirror

Notice the hair growing on my upper lip

Open my mouth and stick in my foot

Put my nose into EVERYTHING

Quietly go insane

Roll my eyes when I read a stupid joke

Start something then forget to finish it (SQUIRREL!)

Take my time doing things others want me to do now

Under no circumstances will I change my point of view

Write more silly pages like this one

Yodel

Zone out every chance I get

ss

SMILE IF YOU UNDERSTAND THIS NEXT ONE, CAUSE I SURE DO!!!

sss

A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

New Year’s Eve is the only acceptable time to wear body glitter without being mistaken for a stripper.

If your born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang! (P.S. my birthday is September 4, hmmm!)

If 2017 was a person, I’d sue him for pain and suffering and lost wages.

I’ll remember 2017 like it was yesterday

I raised my left leg before the ball dropped so I could start the New Year off on the right foot.

I hereby resolve not to catch fire while riding a flaming hoverboard….again.

Dear God, my prayer for 2018 is a FAT bank account and a THIN body. Please don’t mix it up like you did this year.

ABSOLUTELY!!!!!

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Writing this page has brought many smiles and gaffaws from me this morning! I hope you enjoyed it as well!

Shirley

 

5 thoughts on “Happy New 2018 Fun Page

      1. Fab, that’s great! I must get around to writing a New Year’s post on my blog, my main resolution is to write more this year! X

        Like

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