God knows I understand how hard Christmas time can be. Even though I have come a very long way down the road less taken, I still dread it every year. The only thing one can do is find something to laugh about, and that is exactly what this page is intended to do. So, just for a few moments, sit back, read and enjoy! Laugh some good belly laughs and try to remember, you are not alone!
Personally, were Norman Rockwell alive today, I think we should shoot him! LOL
Some Funny (I think!) Oneliners
What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soot’s him.
Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present is beneath them.
What do you call a broke Santa? It’s Saint-NICKEL-LESS
Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Amusing Christmas Turkey Story
Sarah new young bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, ‘Richard doesn’t appreciate what I do for him.’
‘Now, now,’ her mother comforted, ‘I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.’
‘No, mother, you don’t understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price.’
‘Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate,’ says her mum. ‘Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars.’
‘No, mother it wasn’t the price of the turkey. It was the airplane ticket.’
“Airplane ticket….” What did you need an airplane ticket for?’
‘Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said: “Prepare from a frozen state,” so I flew to Alaska.’
Hey, not Christmas, but I always wanted to say that!!! LOL
Short Funny Xmas Story
Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus all got into the elevator at the Ritz Hotel in London. As the elevator travelled from the 5th floor down to the ground level, one-by-one they noticed a $50 bill lying on the lift’s floor.
Which one picked up the $50 bill, and handed it in at reception?
Santa of course, the other two don’t actually exist!
Grandpa’s Christmas Story
Grandpa decided that shopping for Christmas presents had become too difficult. All his grandchildren had everything they needed, so he decided to send them each a check.
On each card he wrote:
‘Happy Christmas Grandpa’
P.S. ‘Buy your own present!’
Now, while Grandpa enjoyed the family festivities, he thought that his grandchildren were just slightly distant. It preyed on his mind into the New Year. Then one day he was sorting out his study and under a pile of magazines, he found a little pile of checks for his grandchildren. He had completely forgotten to put them in with the Christmas cards.
A Christmas Tale from the Inn
Did you hear about the St Jude’s Primary School Nativity Play?
Two children are dressed as Mary and Joseph, and they are on their way to the inn in Bethlehem.
Meanwhile on the other side of the stage, a lad in a shepherd’s outfit is on a mobile phone, calling to make a reservation.
Can You Answer This Christmas Trivia?
- Which famous story, written by Dr. Seuss, was adapted into a popular Christmas movie?
- Who plays Kevin McCallister’s mother in Home Alone?
- What year was the Christmas movie ‘Love Actually’ released?
- How many ghosts visit Scrooge in A Christmas Carol?
- Which two famous actresses swap homes at Christmastime in the 2006 film ‘The Holiday’?
- What popular Christmas song featured in the movie ‘Holiday Inn’ and received a 1943 Academy Award for Best Original Song?
- Who played Fred Claus in the 2007 film?
- Which popular Christmas movie stars Richard Attenborough and Mara Wilson?
- Which famous Christmas song was introduced by Judy Garland in the 1944 movie ‘Meet Me in St. Louis’?
- What is the name of the Pumpkin King of Halloween Town who features in ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ film?
- What city is the Christmas movie Elf based in?
- Which family star in the National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation?
- Which 1983 film starred Melinda Dillon, Darren McGavin and Peter Billingsley?
- In the film ‘The Gremlins’, what did Billy name the mogwai given to him as a gift?
- Which Christmas movie features a boy and an American steam train heading to the North Pole?
- True or false: The musical film ‘Babes in Toyland’ was produced by Walt Disney?
- Which famous English composer created the soundtrack for the Christmas film ‘The Snowman’?
- Which 1946 fantasy film was directed by Frank Capra and based on a story called ‘The Greatest Gift’?
- Which famous puppets starred alongside Michael Caine in a film that was an adaption of the novel ‘A Christmas Carol’?
- Which comedy movie features a man who is killed in a car accident and comes back to life as a snowman?
- The Grinch (Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas)
- Catherine O’Hara
- Four: Ghosts of Jacob Marley, Christmas Past, Present, and Yet to Come
- Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet
- White Christmas
- Vince Vaughn
- Miracle of 34th Street
- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
- Jack Skellington
- New York
- The Griswold family
- A Christmas Story
- The Polar Express
- Howard Blake
- It’s a Wonderful Life
- The Muppets (The Muppet Christmas Carol)
- Jack Frost
The Following is for All My Fellow Star Trek Fans Out There!