Halloween is the one day of the year when full-grown adults get to act like little children again. We dress up in costumes, consume large amounts of candy, and attend parties where we play practical jokes, and tell each other how ghoulishly wonderful we look.
In the spirit of the day, I thought I’d post some Halloween jokes and gifs. So, sit back and enjoy my Halloween Special page.
I couldn’t find any levitation jokes, but the following joke will do.
What do you get when you cross an airplane with a magician?
A flying sorcerer.
I know, I know! Boooo!
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims?
On Fry Day
What’s a monsters favorite desert?
Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath…
Chris: What’s worse than being a five-ton witch on Halloween?
Jill: No clue. Hit me with it.
Chris: Being her broom!
A book never written: “Ghost Hunting” by E. Gadd.
This joke has nothing to do with Halloween, but damn, it’s funny!
A Guy Walks Into a Bar With a Full-Grown Ostrich Behind Him
The waitress asks for their orders. The guy says, “A hamburger, fries, and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”
“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be $18.40 please.” The man reaches into his pocket and, without looking, pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the guy and the ostrich come again and the guy says, “A hamburger, fries, and a coke.”
The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”
Again, the guy reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until one night they enter the restaurant and the waitress asks, “The usual?”
“No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad”, says the guy.
“Me too,” says the ostrich.
The waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $42.62.”
Once again, the guy pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”
“Well,” says the guy, “several years ago I was cleaning my attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”
“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”
“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the guy.
The waitress asks, “But, sir, what’s with the ostrich?”
The guy sighs and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.”
One of the most famous lines of all time, “Honey, I’m home!”
I threw a boomerang at a ghost the other day.
I knew it would come back to haunt me.
Last Halloween there was a knock on the door. I looked out of the window and then shouted upstairs to my wife, “Honey there’s a witch at the door. What shall I do?”
She shouted back, “Just give her some candy and tell her to get lost.”
My mother-in-law hasn’t spoken to me since.
I had a big row with my wife last Halloween. I yelled at her, “When you finally die, I’m getting you a headstone that says, ‘Here Lies My Wife – Cold As Ever’.”
“Yeah well,” she shouted back, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that says, ‘Here Lies My Husband – Stiff At Last.'”