Shirley J. Davis
I decided to write this piece outlining the reasons I do not use material that describes who the person(s) were who perpetrated the severe abuse I experienced as a child.
Let me first begin by stating that when I first began writing about the trauma I endured as a child, I did indeed write specifics of persons, places and what happened in my books. I even sold a few copies of those books, a fact I wish I could change. It was after I saw the behavior of persons in my family who were innocent of any crimes against me, the hurt and anguish I caused them, that I made the conscious decision to pull those books from publication and never use that information ever again. I cannot see the purpose in harming people who never hurt me. Even if they had in some way hurt me, doesn’t naming those facts and harming people make me just as vicious and vile as the perpetrator who caused me so much harm in my life?
The details of what happened so long ago are gruesome and horrible. I could tell tales that would make the most ardent horror movie watcher cringe, and it would certainly make my poor performing books on amazon sell like hotcakes. However, that is not who I am. I will not publish the horrible details for three reasons.
One. I do not like the thought of what happened to me being told because, although the things that my abuser thought up were not unique, they are things I would never want someone who is also a perpetrator trying out on other innocent children. There are, like it or not, people out there who would read that stuff and decide to try those heinous crimes out on innocents. Granted, these people would already be pedophiles and involved in harming children, but I will be no party of it in any way.
Two. The things that happened to me caused me a great deal of anguish and I do not like the idea of speaking of them in the public realm such as on my blog or on social media in general. It is too much like voyeurism. It feels as creepy as if I were to write about my adult sexual encounters in detail. No.
Three. I will not write material that will be triggering to other survivors. People know enough about me through my current writing to recognize the sincerity of what I say, that I did indeed lived through years of trauma. My readers and followers trust me to tell them about the effects of what happened and to share with them what I have gleaned from years of psychotherapy. I don’t want to break that trust by saying things in my writing that will trigger them into flashbacks, depression or worse, self-harm.
Being a responsible adult sometimes means being controversial. I intend to keep speaking out against child abuse and to spread the truth about dissociative identity disorder. I am not at all angry about the comments made to me saying I am not doing enough to change the realities of abuse in the world, indeed it proves that my words are making an impact. No one can speak out on such emotionally packed issues without garnering some controversy. I will continue doing what I have done, I just wanted to speak out about why I do the things I do in the way I do them. I am a warrior determined to stamp out stigma against dissociative identity disorder and mental health issues in general. I will not harm others. That is that.