Overcoming anything, an illness, a financial loss, the loss of someone you love to death, anything is not something that should be attempted alone. This statement is coming from someone who has spent a majority of her life isolating herself from others preferring to deal with her own discomforts myself, but what has it gotten me? I talk to myself all the time and rarely ask for help which leads me to making mistakes that could be avoided should I chose to reach out to someone else and share my problems. It’s turning out to be a hard habit to overcome. I still prefer my own company and find being among people exhausting, but I am fighting 56 years of isolating so I won’t make success overnight. My computer has been my biggest asset in reaching out to others. Although not as good as in real life relationships it is a step in the right direction. I have met a ton of wonderful and dedicated people through blogging and email. Will I ever be ready for a full-blown friendship where I sit down and have a conversation without wishing I could go home and be alone? Yes, eventually. That is something that I am overcoming.
What is the thing you are trying to overcome today? Is it grief? Is it the beginning days of therapy? Is it leaving therapy? Is it not knowing how to pay a bill? What is it you feel overwhelmed by today? We all have insecurities and faults
If your thing you are experiencing is grief, that will never totally pass but it will become bearable. When my father died when I was fifteen-years old on our kitchen floor in front of all of his family I thought I would never smile again. My world as I knew it had ended. Daddy was gone forever. He was never coming home again. He was never going to help me pick a college. He would not be there next Christmas or the many after that. Death is a finality that changes you forever, but slowly I did begin to find life again. He’s been gone forty-one years this May 5th. Four decades later and I will still feel immensely sad on May 5th. The intensity of the feelings brought on by the loss of someone you love will lesson with time, but that hole that was left in your life will never completely cover over and be filled in no matter how much you eat or how much success you have in your life.
What about the other losses I mentioned? I used to play a sort of game with myself when faced with an overwhelming problem or emotion, in five years will it still be as overpowering as it feels today? The answer was almost always no. That bill that I am having problems paying today, it will be paid or forgotten by then. The argument I just had with my friend or significant other? I probably won’t even remember having it in five years. The twelve step groups have a slogan, “How Important is It? A very good way of looking at things.
Suicide is a very permanent answer to a temporary problem. I have been guilty of believing that this behavior was to end my pain but I didn’t think of two things. One, the pain it would inflict on others, and two the pain it would inflict on myself if I survived. Twenty years later and I still have discussions with my brother Mike about my last attempt because it traumatized him so much. For the longest time I was terrified to be alone. I didn’t trust myself anymore. What a tragedy it would have been had I succeeded. Yes, therapy has been hell, but I wouldn’t trade a moment for it because of the peace I have gained in my soul. My heart is freer than it ever has been and a ton freer than most people will ever experience. I have looked death straight in the eye and lived to tell about it. If you are overcoming feelings of self-destruction read and remember the next words I am going to write.
You are the only, unique and wonderful you in the Universe. Should you disappear from the world everyone will suffer, even people who do not know you, because they will never have had the privilege of knowing the marvelous entity known as you. I know, you don’t think you have anything to offer, neither did I, but do you think of me as someone with nothing to contribute to the world? I may never be rich but I reach out with words and I help people to see that they are beautiful, wonderful parts of the Universe who have become self-aware.
Now how cool is that? You may someday help nurture the child, like my six-month old nephew, who will grow up to cure a horrendous disease or go to Mars! Your potential is only limited by what you limit yourself with. The world grows colder and poorer when someone, anyone dies. We need you.
Overcoming, it is something we all do every day just by getting out of bed or by saying hello to someone we don’t know in the grocery store. Begin to practice overcoming, you will never be the same again.
“Before you put yourself down, please consider everything you’ve accomplished to get to this point, every life you’ve touched, and every moment you’ve pushed beyond your fears. You are a fighter. You are worthy of nothing less than the deepest love you have to share. You are an inspiration.”